she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
