Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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