All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
