Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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