DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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