when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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