this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
