is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
