frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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