a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
