Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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