it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I love having hate sex.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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