No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
BRING THE BAGELS
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
