I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
