and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
