At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
