aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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