at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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