Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
