I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Randomize
