I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
