Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
