I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
