ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
