dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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