I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
