I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just had sex bonerless
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
