Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
this just has baby written all over it
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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