Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
