Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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