I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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