Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
