and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
