i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
