I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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