He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Quick, to the slutcave!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
