D3 body, D1 cock
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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