We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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