Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
