my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
