well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
