seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
