Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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