Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
