if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
