I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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