And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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