Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
