Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
