she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
